Respect to Rihanna for her recent statements on men. In an interview with the Evening Standard she describes her personal malaise in the area of relationships with guys, and wonders despairingly why they/we are not gentlemen anymore. "They think that...." she says, "if you take a chair out for a lady, or you're nice or even affectionate to your girl in front of your boys, you're less of a man. It's so sick. They won't be a gentleman because that makes them appear soft."
Leaving aside the discussion as to whether Rihanna is actually 'a lady', she does make a significant point which, when we follow its train of thought seems to lead us into a quagmire of gender-based contradictions.
Young men, like young women, are at the receiving end of a tidal wave of images that suggest, if not actually dictate, the way they should 'be' and what is acceptable, desirable and undesirable for a man to strive for in these times. One of the first to be accused and held responsible must surely be the Hollywood film industry which produces extremely potent role models and stories that undoubtedly leave a hefty imprint on the collective psyche. If we look at those Hollywood heroes we see that, since the time of the first Rocky movies, the male blueprint laid down by the industry has become increasingly tough, macho, pumped up, violent etc. Hugh Jackman, for example does not strike one as much of a book-reading man of sophistication. We also note that unmasculine men are often portrayed as suspicious and untrustworthy in these genres. There are exceptions of course, but on the whole it is muscle that seems to win out as the number one quality for a man to possess, just like for women it is a slim waistline and an inflatable chest. Englishmen are usually portrayed as villains with suspect sexual tendencies in the Hollywood genre too, which further compounds the suggestion that sophistication in a man is not to be pursued.
Such stereotypes are swallowed whole, and to some extent we participate in their propagation when we pay to see such movies. Young guys get the message that ruggedness, not sensitivity is to be cultivated. Male rap stars write ludicrous lyrics that are insulting to women and carry violent implications. Such 'music' is pumped across the globe, the rap stars are seen to become conspicuously wealthy and then we wonder why our young men are growing up with misogynist tendencies! We can begin to see how crazy and out-of-whack the whole picture actually is.
In the 1970's things were different. The cult of the hippy made it cool for men to show their sensitivity towards nature and to openly express their spiritual leanings, but all that changed in the 80's when inner searching gave way to materialism and it's attendant hubris. To display one's wealth rather than one's earth-consciousness became the preferred magnet for female attention, and of course most women participated (and still participate) in this by declaring themselves 'material girls'. Repulsed by male arrogance and violent tendencies, many women continue to hold out an immature longing for the strong armed hero to sweep them off their feet. But if brutishness is what you want, brutishness is what you will get, especially if you are a beautiful woman!
To further complicate matters there is the argument that women are actually far more attracted to husky-voiced hunks than they are to men of learning and sensitivity. After all, we're talking polar attraction here, aren't we? If men and women become more like each other, won't we lose the polarity that makes.....well, the world go round? Possibly not. Surely we have come further than such primitive imperatives would suggest and must affirm a more refined definition of positive gender identity.
Rihanna's statement that she's holding out for a gentleman rather than a hero is a positive and sensible one from an unexpected quarter. Let's hope that more prominent females have the good sense to lead men away from dysfunctional role templates and towards a more mature aspiration, even if it does sound a bit old fashioned.
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