How do you get good advice for the New Year?

With all the noise out there in the digital space (including this blog 😄) it's easy to become overwhelmed. In fact it's a bit worse than that because if we listen to all the advice out there about how to proceed with our lives we can end up being confused at best, a bit crazy at worst. In addition, if you're like me, you may have taken advice that turns out to be costly in terms of time and money and which doesn't get you the results you expected.

If you have reached this point, and I know that I've been there more than once, it is helpful to distinguish between information and intelligence. Although people can offer valuable information, the reality is that 99% of what's out there in the digital space is basically just information.

Intelligence can be seen differently. Intelligence is what you apply to your own special circumstances and as a response to whatever situation in which you find yourself.

Osho talks about the 'creative response to now' to describe this kind of intelligence.This is a kind of wisdom, something innate beyond the noise and all the information 'out there'.

Try following yourself and your own wisdom. This doesn't mean of course that you never listen to anyone or seek support. Someone may use their own innate wisdom to support you in response to your special situation for example, as in the case of a guide, therapist or coach.

Beware of people offering specific advice to everyone, because while the advice isn't necessarily bad, it just may not be the right fit for your circumstances. (I am aware of course, that by writing this blog I am setting a trap for myself, but I think you can get my point here!).

Most of the people giving advice of one kind or another in the digital space want you to keep coming back for more. Think about this: if they solved all your problems you wouldn't need to come back for more and they wouldn't be able to sell you any more courses or products!

I am not saying they are con artists (although some of them may be!) or that they do not genuinely want to help. I am just pointing out that what worked for them is unlikely to work in the same way (or at all) for you.

Inside you there IS an innate intelligence and it is possible to cultivate that. This means learning to unplug and switch off. It means learning to listen to the universe which is everywhere, both inside and outside of you.It means going beyond information into something deeper.

See this as a long term project. It will take time.

Rihanna comes out for the gentleman!

Respect to Rihanna for her recent statements on men. In an interview with the Evening Standard she describes her personal malaise in the area of relationships with guys, and wonders despairingly why they/we are not gentlemen anymore. "They think that...." she says, "if you take a chair out for a lady, or you're nice or even affectionate to your girl in front of your boys, you're less of a man. It's so sick. They won't be a gentleman because that makes them appear soft."

Leaving aside the discussion as to whether Rihanna is actually 'a lady', she does make a significant point which, when we follow its train of thought seems to lead us into a quagmire of gender-based contradictions.
Young men, like young women, are at the receiving end of a tidal wave of images that suggest, if not actually dictate, the way they should 'be' and what is acceptable, desirable and undesirable for a man to strive for in these times. One of the first to be accused and held responsible must surely be the Hollywood film industry which produces extremely potent role models and stories that undoubtedly leave a hefty imprint on the collective psyche. If we look at those Hollywood heroes we see that, since the time of the first Rocky movies, the male blueprint laid down by the industry has become increasingly tough, macho, pumped up, violent etc. Hugh Jackman, for example does not strike one as much of a book-reading man of sophistication. We also note that unmasculine men are often portrayed as suspicious and untrustworthy in these genres. There are exceptions of course, but on the whole it is muscle that seems to win out as the number one quality for a man to possess, just like for women it is a slim waistline and an inflatable chest. Englishmen are usually portrayed as villains with suspect sexual tendencies in the Hollywood genre too, which further compounds the suggestion that sophistication in a man is not to be pursued.

Such stereotypes are swallowed whole, and to some extent we participate in their propagation when we pay to see such movies. Young guys get the message that ruggedness, not sensitivity is to be cultivated. Male rap stars write ludicrous lyrics that are insulting to women and carry violent implications. Such 'music' is pumped across the globe, the rap stars are seen to become conspicuously wealthy and then we wonder why our young men are growing up with misogynist tendencies! We can begin to see how crazy and out-of-whack the whole picture actually is.

In the 1970's things were different. The cult of the hippy made it cool for men to show their sensitivity towards nature and to openly express their spiritual leanings, but all that changed in the 80's when inner searching gave way to materialism and it's attendant hubris. To display one's wealth rather than one's earth-consciousness became the preferred magnet for female attention, and of course most women participated (and still participate) in this by declaring themselves 'material girls'. Repulsed by male arrogance and violent tendencies, many women continue to hold out an immature longing for the strong armed hero to sweep them off their feet. But if brutishness is what you want, brutishness is what you will get, especially if you are a beautiful woman!

To further complicate matters there is the argument that women are actually far more attracted to husky-voiced hunks than they are to men of learning and sensitivity. After all, we're talking polar attraction here, aren't we? If men and women become more like each other, won't we lose the polarity that makes.....well, the world go round? Possibly not. Surely we have come further than such primitive imperatives would suggest and must affirm a more refined definition of positive gender identity.

Rihanna's statement that she's holding out for a gentleman rather than a hero is a positive and sensible one from an unexpected quarter. Let's hope that more prominent females have the good sense to lead men away from dysfunctional role templates and towards a more mature aspiration, even if it does sound a bit old fashioned.

Why the mind is designed to stop us growing.

Most people in western society would probably describe themselves as open-minded. However, it doesn't take much testing to discover that this claim is often made falsely. There is a good reason for this being the case and it lies in the nature of the mind itself.

We can think of the mind as being like a machine or a computational device. It produces thoughts, feelings and images in response to incoming data or stimuli. It works automatically, driven purely by the incoming stimuli, giving out results in the form of judgement, words, concepts and emotions that can be experienced as waves of varying intensity. For the most part, such responses from the mind go unchallenged. In other words we tend to accept these mind-responses as true, as real and as 'us'.

In addition to this machine-like modus operandi, another characteristic of  the mind is the impulse to defend itself, and what it sees as its integrity in response to new stimuli. The mind knows itself very well, although it tries to conceal this fact from all of us. It knows that its foundations, its principles and beliefs are in fact very shaky and it needs to keep this fact away from our consciousness as much as possible by putting on a good show of being confident or sure of its opinions. Notice that this is a characteristic that tends to strengthen with age.

 In this way, when something threatens the minds' integrity by introducing a radically new idea, the mind's instinct is to close ranks and defend against such an invasion. It also needs to produce a justification for doing this in the form of a belief, facts, data and opinions.  This is one of the characteristics of the mind that keeps people stuck in life patterns that don't work, that bring harmful or damaging results, and that allow them to cede responsibility for their own existence.

We can also think of the mind as a system. A system is something that works with an integrity, or completeness that allows it to function. Closed systems have the characteristic of running down over time in accordance with the 2nd law of thermodynamics. However, an open system that has the capacity to exchange energy with the environment has the potential to expand by 'escaping into a higher order' . this can occur when the system interacts with the environment to the degree that it is sufficiently destabilized that its whole integrity is threatened. When this process is pushed beyond the tipping point, the system either collapses altogether or re-arranges itself in a new and superior pattern that has the capacity to incorporate and make use of the new level of interaction with the external environment. 

When we apply this principle to the mind we see that before expanding into a higher order, the mind's integrity must be threatened to the extent that it is destabilized and this would involve challenging and undermining the core principles and beliefs that keep the mind locked in a set of limiting patterns.

Unfortunately, the mind itself is structured to exclude and avoid such experiences. This is partly due to a cultural meme that says something like 'It's bad to be uncertain, destabilized and have our views undermined'.

In order to expand our mind, our view of the world and our possibilities, we must open to new ideas and remain open. Understanding that a period of mild or extreme destabilization is part of this process can help us to engage more productively and grow as we expand our view of the world on an ongoing basis.

Michael Brooman June 2015