Does positivity help us?

Positivity
We often hear that we should 'think positive' or 'be positive.' It is one of the most basic and well known self- help mantras. Almost everybody is familiar with this idea. But what does it mean and why exactly should we think and be positive?

There are disadvantages to being optimistic, or so it seems. One of them is that we may be disappointed. There's a chance that our hopes will not be realised, or not realised in the way we say that we would like. Yet we are told to be positive. Being positive keeps our 'spirit' up and can motivate us. We certainly may feel more motivated when we we look at things positively. However, expectations can also lead to difficulties and there is no proof that being positive reliably gets us better results.

There is also the popular idea that we attract what we are thinking and what we expect. You hear about the so-called 'law of Attraction' where we attract whatever we focus on. Unfortunately there is no proof that this works reliably either and it doesn't take a lot of analysis to see that the 'Law of Attraction' is a made up concept rather than a fact. For example, how many times have you expected something bad to happen and it didn't. Personally I have done this many times. I expected some dreadful result or diagnosis from a Doctor and it turned out to be not so bad, even though my head had been filled with visions of doom.

Having said this, it does seem that being positive is more likely to make us feel happy and take direct action. It may also enhance greatly our experiences if we consciously feel positive about them. The problem comes when we are superficially positive, when we are positive to cover up what we really feel at a deeper level. Then being positive becomes a travesty, a dishonest charade. It is what a lot of people are doing a lot of the time. We can even say that society requires it. People don't want to know about your darkest fears, your squirming self-doubts, your negative or taboo feelings. So naturally these feelings are pushed underground and there are plenty of people walking around smiling that have the fires of hell burning within them.

And then there are people that wear their negativity on the surface and create a bad environment around themselves. These are also people to keep away from. Nobody wants to be around a miserable complainer all the time. Yet being miserable is easier than being positive. It doesn't appear to require any effort, whereas being positive does. Being positive means rising above the limitations of our existence. It means being comfortable with the difference between what we can imagine, and what is. It means accepting that conditions are not always favourable, and living with that reality. Being positive means you have faith in humanity and in the whole game of existence, despite what we see around us. It means we are ready to take responsibility for our lives and make the best of things. It means you do whatever you know to be right, even when everyone else is doing differently.

Ultimately of course, authenticity is required and there's a wide range of states in which to 'be'. But beware that authenticity doesn't just become an excuse to let positivity drop and dump negative feelings wherever convenient. Positivity is an affirmative state, and as such may require a conscious choice and effort.


Interested in exploring what positivity means for you? Visit www.michaelbrooman.com

Let's clear up some misconceptions about Leadership.

The word 'Leadership' has become rather loosely and over-used in recent times. It's a bit like 'iconic'. Is the One Show iconic? Is Lady Gaga iconic? Is everything iconic? I hope not. But anyway back to leadership.

Nowadays several things are being put forward as 'leadership' that IMHO are not at all leadership. For example doing your job as expected is not really leadership, is it? Doing as you are told by your boss or teacher isn't really leadership. In fact it isn't leadership at all. What our current politicians in the UK are doing does not look to me like leadership either. Leadership isn't following public opinion or trying to win votes by doing what the majority want you to do or say. It can be the opposite of that, at times.
Leadership isn't towing the party line and saying what's expected, and that's one of the main reasons why people have come to distrust politicians from the main parties.

So what is leadership? I'm no expert, but here's what I think as a professional trainer with global experience in many of the world's top corporations:

Leadership is about leading people. This means that you are going places BEFORE everyone else goes there. You are at the leading edge of change and development.
Leadership is about having courage and beliefs founded upon tried principles. A leader is ready to be unpopular and even hated if necessary. For years, Steve Jobs was something of a pariah figure, but his vision proved stronger and more relevant than those who turned their back on him.
Leadership is about having a message that inspires people and being able to communicate that message in a way that gives them fresh hope.

A leader is ready to look bad if necessary and takes risks to get their message across. Richard Branson is a good example of someone that has taken risks with his public image (and his life) in order to communicate his vision of the Virgin brand and has generally made it pay off in a big way.In addition to courage, having a clear vision and seeing what others do not see is a must for leaders. This is what actually makes them leaders in the first place.
One more thing: A leader is all about empowering others to go beyond their limitations. A leader isn't just looking for glory. Someone may be brilliant at what they do but not a leader in this respect.

Leaders are people who are exceptional. They have gone beyond the top of their profession, and way way beyond what is reasonably expected. They have firm convictions for which they may even be willing to die, if it comes to that. They uplift others and look for the best in everyone they come into contact with. They are always learners, always wanting to expand their knowledge as they share generously what they have of their own.

Let's not devalue important concepts by cheapening their cache of meaning. It takes remarkable qualities to really move people and surely we need to recognise this in our use of descriptions.

Don't let negativity become your wallpaper.

Our thoughts are the wallpaper of our lives. We become so accustomed to the voice in our heads that we stop noticing it most of the time. These thoughts, the product of the mind, become our living environment. The mind is constantly commenting on the world, adjusting and creating the lens through which we see everything.

When this lens becomes clouded over with negativity it can lead to serious problems. Sometimes a negative thought loop is introduced into our minds from outside, perhaps a friend says something and your mind takes it in. Like a virus it takes up residence in our mental eco-system, polluting and tainting what we see happening around us. After a while it becomes part of the wallpaper and we actually stop noticing the negative loop in the same way we stop noticing the wallpaper in our homes. We have accepted it into our lives and it has literally become part of our daily reality.

We need to become aware of these loops and how they may be sabotaging whatever we do. It's not always easy because they often come with ready-made justifications for why they should be allowed to remain in our awareness. These explanations are very convincing and allow us to opt out of changing our situations for the better. An example might be something like the following:

I'm not going to do my best work because my boss doesn't appreciate me and doesn't respect who I am. Therefore I'm just going to do the minimum at work and not put in any extra effort. After all, the pay's not very good and I didn't get that promotion last year so why should I?

See how this loop comes with plenty of justification built up to support it. It's a very simple and typical type of sequence that leaves us feeling cynical while we actually sabotage our own career. After a while it becomes part of our mental furniture and we no longer have to play the whole thing every time because we know it all by heart.

To overcome such sabotage and move on we need to be very alert, noticing our thoughts as much as possible. Only then can we challenge them and put them to one side if they do not serve us.

It may be helpful to write them down. Our negative mind hates exposure, so seeing the words in front of you and being able to challenge them head-on is a great way to make progress here. It does take strength and persistence but with determination you can deal with your own demons in time.

Stay strong, stay positive!

Why the election is irrelevant!

Hey there. I expect you've heard there's an election coming, ANOTHER election coming. The news media are of course getting into their usual frenzy. People on either side of the political divide are getting nasty and personal. ("I'm right" "No!I'm right!"). The politicians are gearing up to drive their oh so important messages home.

But here's the thing. You know and I know that after it's all done it ain't gonna make any difference. Not really. You'll still have the same problems you've got now. Even the country will still have the same problems it's got now. The economy will still go down and up again, some things will be under funded, others won't. People will continue to squabble about which things are more important. They will also still have the same problems in their own lives.

Why? Because it's all a great distraction from the really difficult stuff. The really burning questions of our existence. Let me ask you a question: how many previous elections have really made your life better or worse? Answer: none. Reason: we all continue going around in the same old loops and patterns. In denial about our problems, about where we fall short, about what we REALLY need to do to change our lives. The whole political game is a great way for people to relieve themselves of responsibility for their destiny and blame outside factors. In other words, it's a victims game and even the politicians know that. They know that you and I cannot win through the political game but as long as they can keep you engaged with their agendas they will have a career and they will be listened to and they will be considered important.

What do you think of Donald Trump? Theresa May? Maybe you hate them but I'll bet you still pay attention to what they say, spend time, your precious time slagging them off or thinking about how they've ruined everything.

It's irrelevant guys. It won't make any difference. Okay in some ways it makes a difference if a politician gets us into a war or something. But it's unlikely.

If you take a look at how bankrupt and uninspiring the messages of the two major candidates in this election are, you'll immediately turn away and occupy yourself with something more engaging. Where's the sense of wonder and possibility? The reality is that these people are absolutely lost, as individuals. They have nothing to offer you and I. No fresh ideas, no charm, no direction home.

The answers are elsewhere. The answers you need, we all need are inside of us. That's the real game, the hard one that very few people know how to win. So, in my humble opinion, let them get on with it and mind your own business!

New forms of sexual repression contributing to male suicide.

The recent reported rise in the numbers of men who are either depressed or have contemplated suicide are of concern, but what's really behind the distressing story of these figures?

Sexuality has been subject to repression since society began. There have been all forms of repression and taboo created around sexuality and the expression of sexual pleasure, supported by the teachings of religions and reinforced at times by insane laws. These repressions have led to all manner of illnesses and distortions within the human psyche, as Freud discovered when he invented psychoanalysis.

Now, in 2017 we are living under a new form of sexual repression, which subtly entered our culture after the so called liberation of the 1970's. This new form of puritanism manifests through political correctness and other ideologies that have gained traction in western society, 'feminism' being one of them.

It's certainly true to say that in the past women's sexuality was repressed by society to the extent that it was difficult for women to express any kind of sexual urges publicly at all. Now, the boot has shifted to the other foot and men have become the victims of sexual repression, fearful of the consequences of expressing their normal sexual needs (I am not of course talking about abnormal or violent forms of sexuality, which are further manifestations of repression).

Increasingly we see male sexuality being maligned and repressed in every area of our culture, and this is bound to lead to a negative impact on the overall psychology of men. It is now almost forbidden for men in western societies to express their sexuality freely, unless of course they are gay.
If we are not quite at this point yet, we probably will be soon and it's only a matter of time until the subtle and barely noticeable forms of repression against male sexuality have become well established.

Does this sound far fetched? Surely I'm some kind of reactionary nutcase with an axe to grind, right?Well, to give a true example, in case you are doubting what I am saying, I recently worked at an adult training company in London where the female staff openly bragged about bonking the male students. Such announcements were greeted with approval by other female staff, including management. However, male staff did not feel at liberty to even mention an attraction to a female student unless in hushed all-
male company, for fear of being judged and possibly sacked or accused of 'sexism'.

Cases like this are happening every day in London, justified by concocted and sometimes convincing arguments based on political ideologies, many of which are themselves based on fear and repression planted deep in the psyche of their proponents.The effects of these misguided ideas are catastrophic and lead to more repression, more fear, less freedom and less psychological health.

How do you get good advice for the New Year?

With all the noise out there in the digital space (including this blog 😄) it's easy to become overwhelmed. In fact it's a bit worse than that because if we listen to all the advice out there about how to proceed with our lives we can end up being confused at best, a bit crazy at worst. In addition, if you're like me, you may have taken advice that turns out to be costly in terms of time and money and which doesn't get you the results you expected.

If you have reached this point, and I know that I've been there more than once, it is helpful to distinguish between information and intelligence. Although people can offer valuable information, the reality is that 99% of what's out there in the digital space is basically just information.

Intelligence can be seen differently. Intelligence is what you apply to your own special circumstances and as a response to whatever situation in which you find yourself.

Osho talks about the 'creative response to now' to describe this kind of intelligence.This is a kind of wisdom, something innate beyond the noise and all the information 'out there'.

Try following yourself and your own wisdom. This doesn't mean of course that you never listen to anyone or seek support. Someone may use their own innate wisdom to support you in response to your special situation for example, as in the case of a guide, therapist or coach.

Beware of people offering specific advice to everyone, because while the advice isn't necessarily bad, it just may not be the right fit for your circumstances. (I am aware of course, that by writing this blog I am setting a trap for myself, but I think you can get my point here!).

Most of the people giving advice of one kind or another in the digital space want you to keep coming back for more. Think about this: if they solved all your problems you wouldn't need to come back for more and they wouldn't be able to sell you any more courses or products!

I am not saying they are con artists (although some of them may be!) or that they do not genuinely want to help. I am just pointing out that what worked for them is unlikely to work in the same way (or at all) for you.

Inside you there IS an innate intelligence and it is possible to cultivate that. This means learning to unplug and switch off. It means learning to listen to the universe which is everywhere, both inside and outside of you.It means going beyond information into something deeper.

See this as a long term project. It will take time.