Why you should consider using a life coach.

I know, life coaching has a bit of an image problem. When I try to explain it to some people they say things like '.....but what do you DO?' They may think it all sounds a bit 'airy fairy' or 'New Age' or even (gasp) Ame-ri-can! After all, us Brits are so hard-nosed and down-to-earth right? Meat and potatoes, none of that fancy stuff for us. The stoicism that got us great! And I have to say; all that is true. There is a stoicism in the UK and it has served us well in past times. So, is that it? Should we all just grit our teeth and knuckle down with that Bulldog Spirit? Just get the job done eh Monty? Perhaps, and as a coach I would agree that there are times when this approach is extremely effective because we don't want to all be whimpering wrecks running for help at the first sign of trouble.

But the reality; the reality is that we are complex beings full of feelings and we live in a world that can also be overwhelmingly hard to navigate. True, you might not hire a life coach if you're living on the breadline or struggling to feed your kids, but you might. It's no accident that life coaching has emerged at this time in human history, in western culture. People are looking for more than just life-in-survival-mode. Not surprisingly they are interested in more abstract and elusive goals such as fulfillment, happiness and achievement.

For the last few thousand years, and particularly in the last few hundred, we have lived with the urgent need to provide, for families and for ourselves. Principally this has come to be expected through an exchange of work for money. This was an exchange that worked quite well for a long time. Employees were grateful to have the security to bring up families and feel certain about the future. But things are changing. Actually they have already changed. In reality people are no longer satisfied with the deal of the industrial age under which the majority still labour. Organisations may thrive, individuals get worn out. They know they are missing out on something, and they're right.
The media works (inadvertently) in the service of companies, corporations and governments by instilling fear through relentlessly sensationalised reporting which engenders a non-stop sense of crisis so that employees are sent scurrying back to the grindstone with their heads down.

But now so many people are beginning to ask awkward questions, such as: Am I happy? Can I be happy and what will it take?
Artificial Intelligence and other technological phenomena will no doubt transform our society beyond recognition in the next decade, probably in ways that we don't even know yet. But one thing is for certain: people will have more options and more leisure time than ever before and life coaches, counsellors and psychologists will be required to help them adapt and manage the onslaught of change.

We need a way to navigate through all of this. You are not a machine. You ARE a complex, feeling individual and somewhere, somehow there is fulfillment waiting for you. You do not have to passively accept things the way they are. But as long as you are scurrying, as long as you buy into the scary looking version of the world and put your aspirations on hold, you are unlikely to be able to clear a space to really get to know who you are and why you are here, let alone do something about it.

Life coaching is a service that is perfectly suited to the existential dilemmas that are already looming for post-industrial societies.It is probably THE best and most effective way to get focused and set a course that YOU have chosen rather than feeling it has been thrust upon you.  So what is it that you want to do? What will it take to get you to the place of feeling ownership of your daily activities, tuning into your purpose with a clear understanding of what's important?

Life coaching CAN be about exploring feelings, about discovering who you are and what you want. It CAN be about setting definite goals for higher achievement, success and recognition. Life coaches are interested, for the most part in supporting you in getting where you want to go, as long as it aligns with your values. Life coaching is as multi-faceted and many-layered as individuals and what happens in life coaching will depend uniquely on the person that you are.

Get to 'know thyself'.

We all have multi-faceted personalities to one degree or another. This is different, of course, from having a 'split-personality' where one 'persona' isn't aware of the actions of another within the individual and which can be classified as a pathology. Having a multi-faceted personality simply means that we have distinct aspects with diverse types of behaviour, interests and abilities.

For example, you may have a creative side that likes to play an instrument like the piano, and which nourishes you at a profound level when it takes over. Or it may be more accurate to say that the act of playing the piano nourishes that particular aspect of your SELF, which in turn allows you to connect with something significant.

Problems can occur when one aspect is supressed or neglected, often due to a belief we have acquired about what we 'should' or 'shouldn't' be doing with our time. This can lead to a sense of frustration, of feeling empty or unfulfilled, either vaguely or quite obviously.

People with a strong creative aspect will require order in their lives at times, but too much of this will start to feel extremely constraining and they may feel the urge to do something to shake things up in their lives and create a little chaos and unpredictability.

Another consideration is what each distinct 'persona' thinks about the others. We may have an aspirational side, most of us do, but this aspect may become cowed into submission by the cold hard logic of a more judgemental aspect.

One of the most fundamental pieces of wisdom in history comes from the Apollonian inscription 'know thyself' and this really is the key to a balanced, fulfilled existence. Knowing yourself is all about understanding these facets of your SELF, how they operate, what they need and how you can allow them to work for you rather than against you.

Doing this requires honesty and some objectivity. Working with a coach or counsellor is ideal. Take some time to REALLY get to know yourself, even if you think you've already done it. Maybe it's time to get re-acquainted and ensure that you are truly nourished as you move towards more prosperity and well-being.

Showing Up

Shakespeare's observation that 'all the world's a stage' is a cliche that has never been more true, and more confusing than nowadays where we have the ability to create and animate a multiplicity of identities via electronic media, as well as social circles in which we move. Through such channels we can show up in a variety of ways, and furthermore we can objectify our own identity in ever increasing aspects, having it reflected back to us whenever we access our various accounts.
Generally speaking, we want to create a positive image through such identities, one that encourages people to 'follow' us or gets us the kind of attention that could potentially turn into profit or at least, a favourable social profile.
     But what about when we actually show up in person? Because when this happens, there's no getting away from the reality of who we are in the world. Of course we can fool some of the people some of the time, and so on, but not for too long, especially when those people are more experienced, more knowledgeable and more perceptive than we are. By definition of course, if you want to develop your career, you'll need to impress exactly these sort of people, and these sort of people will most certainly notice how you show up, when you show up.

 Of course, how you show up depends on who you are showing up for, what the circumstances are and so on. How you show up on your first day of work at a company will almost certainly be quite different from your 1000th day at the same company. How you show up when you meet your friends for a few drinks will obviously be different from how you show up at a job interview. But not too different. There will be some considerable overlap otherwise we're looking at authenticity issues here!

An actor tries to convince an audience that they are actually the person in the role they are playing and through the magic of our brains being able to 'suspend disbelief' we are able to buy into that illusion, provided the acting itself is sufficiently convincing and not unnatural or inconsistent.The same can be said in real life, except in real life we have to actually become the part we are playing, in varying degrees for varying lengths of time.

So the question is: how DO you show up? Yes YOU! Or, to put it another way:
Do you show up as a possibility?

Are you showing up as someone that gets things done, that facilitates, that contributes, strengthens, focuses and engages? Or do you show up as someone that creates a burden, gets in the way, creates discord, distracts, slows things down, is needy, calculating or egocentric?

Of course we all think we know how we are being, but unfortunately it is not so simple, not by a long shot. When it comes to engagement and communication, there are tremendous blind spots that may be glaringly obvious to others. One way to get feedback of course is to look at the results you are getting. Do people respond to you positively?Or do you consistently get reactions that you didn't expect, or which seem 'unfair' to you? If the latter is the case, it may be that the way you are showing up and the way you see yourself are not in alignment. Our biggest problem is the ego. We may convince ourselves that we are just right for the part, but unlike actors on the stage, few of us have a director or producer to guide and coach us as we play each scene (experienced actors may not need, or think they need such guidance).

Another way to know more about how you show up is to ask for feedback, or get training, coaching or mentoring. If we can deal with the sometimes painful truth that constitutes the deficit between how we see ourselves and how the world sees us, then we are well on our way to getting places we want to go.

For a free training video on 'Showing Up' visit my You Tube channel at the following link
Showing Up

New feminists and Taoism

Recently we have seen several high-profile individuals such as Emma Watson ‘come out’ and declare themselves as ‘feminists’. Presumably this is a gesture designed to improve the public image of feminism, and somehow make it more acceptable. However, it is by no means clear what they actually mean when they say they are ‘feminists’.One can’t help but wonder if these individuals themselves really know what they mean when they say they are feminists. Emma Watson has mentioned something about standing up for women’s rights in Africa, or elsewhere and of course this is commendable. But this not really a feminist issue, rather it is about basic human rights. Believing that men and women have equal rights is no longer a feminist issue. It is taken as read that it concerns everyone and that any other type of view is unacceptable. So what really IS a feminist? Who can be a feminist? Nobody seems to have an answer to this question but here are a few ideas:

1     A feminist is someone that believes that our world needs to move in a ‘feminine’ direction by becoming more caring, and more nurturing of the values that we associate with people that call themselves ‘women’.
2.       A feminist is someone that believes that women should have more rights and more power in society.
3.       A feminist is someone that rejects traditional stereotypes associated with male and female genders.

These definitions of feminism are quite different in various ways.  The first one is about feminine values and the type of society we want to create.  If we look at Geerd Hofstede’s index of cross-cultural distinctions we see that some societies value Femininity more than others. Examples of this typically are Scandinavian societies that appear to be more ‘caring’ in the way they are structured. On the other hand, according to Hofstede Japan scores very low on the index for feminine values. Anyone that has actual experience of Japan however would probably dispute such a result and we soon find ourselves in difficulties here: What really ARE feminine values and how do they manifest in a society? Speaking personally as someone that has lived in Japan for example, I would say that overall and with all things considered, Japan is a more’ caring’ society than the UK, which apparently contradicts Hofstede’s findings.

The other two definitions above are more similar to each other and imply a more political stance for a feminist. The second really amounts to an interest group for 50% of the population and is not really about values. It’s more about women saying “Here we are and we mean business”, which is, after all not a very feminine thing to be saying. It leads us to saying things such as: Do feminists actually want to be women or not? This implies an existential crisis behind feminist outbursts, a kind of search for an identity or re-definition of women’s role in society. Again, nobody seems to have clarity on what this means and how it can actually support the interests of women or society.

The third definition above again suggests a re-ordering of roles and relationships with regard to gender. But what this really means or what it would look like is not clear. It is also not clear whether or not it would contribute to the quality of life that people, including women experience now.

One possible solution to this confusing situation is to turn to Eastern philosophy for insight. In the Taoist principles of Yin and Yang we get a different frame on the whole issue, that moves us away from intellectualism and political posturing towards a more profound connection with what makes us who we are in this world. The genius of Eastern thought lies in its’ simplicity. Taoism takes us into the energies that govern our existence, giving us insight that resonates with quantum science at a very deep level. The principles of Yin and Yang deal with optimum balance and well-being. There is a simple clarity in the principles that go beyond the confusion that politically-oriented ‘intellectual’ western-style discourse gets us into. We are after all, essentially fields of energy moving through a universe of energies that are interacting in various ways. Taoism says that nothing is wrong. We already possess everything we need to be in balance, whole and complete on this earth. The problems begin when we confuse ourselves and get out of balance. This happens when we disconnect from our centre and identify with a false identity. Unfortunately, western civilisation is based on and continually encourages us to engage with this whole confusion rather than re-connect with the whole. Osho has pointed this out in a detailed way in his speeches as a critic of the West.

When individuals are out of balance and sick, then naturally the society will also be so. Clarity is needed to bring people towards a healthful existence so that they can truly move ahead and contribute their gifts to society. The problem is that there are too many voices giving out confusing and unhelpful messages. When people start to identify with political principles and base their life around intellectual ideas they soon get lost or mired in conflicts that in general do not bring us closer to healthy solutions.  The term ‘feminist’ has a cache of conflict and division that does not really serve the cause of unity and wholeness. Seeing and feeling beyond gender politics to a more underlying and fundamental pattern of harmony or disharmony, firstly within ourselves and then as a society, is more likely to bring people closer together in reconciliation.