Shakespeare's observation that 'all the world's a stage' is a cliche that has never been more true, and more confusing than nowadays where we have the ability to create and animate a multiplicity of identities via electronic media, as well as social circles in which we move. Through such channels we can show up in a variety of ways, and furthermore we can objectify our own identity in ever increasing aspects, having it reflected back to us whenever we access our various accounts.
Generally speaking, we want to create a positive image through such identities, one that encourages people to 'follow' us or gets us the kind of attention that could potentially turn into profit or at least, a favourable social profile.
But what about when we actually show up in person? Because when this happens, there's no getting away from the reality of who we are in the world. Of course we can fool some of the people some of the time, and so on, but not for too long, especially when those people are more experienced, more knowledgeable and more perceptive than we are. By definition of course, if you want to develop your career, you'll need to impress exactly these sort of people, and these sort of people will most certainly notice how you show up, when you show up.
Of course, how you show up depends on who you are showing up for, what the circumstances are and so on. How you show up on your first day of work at a company will almost certainly be quite different from your 1000th day at the same company. How you show up when you meet your friends for a few drinks will obviously be different from how you show up at a job interview. But not too different. There will be some considerable overlap otherwise we're looking at authenticity issues here!
An actor tries to convince an audience that they are actually the person in the role they are playing and through the magic of our brains being able to 'suspend disbelief' we are able to buy into that illusion, provided the acting itself is sufficiently convincing and not unnatural or inconsistent.The same can be said in real life, except in real life we have to actually become the part we are playing, in varying degrees for varying lengths of time.
So the question is: how DO you show up? Yes YOU! Or, to put it another way:
Do you show up as a possibility?
Are you showing up as someone that gets things done, that facilitates, that contributes, strengthens, focuses and engages? Or do you show up as someone that creates a burden, gets in the way, creates discord, distracts, slows things down, is needy, calculating or egocentric?
Of course we all think we know how we are being, but unfortunately it is not so simple, not by a long shot. When it comes to engagement and communication, there are tremendous blind spots that may be glaringly obvious to others. One way to get feedback of course is to look at the results you are getting. Do people respond to you positively?Or do you consistently get reactions that you didn't expect, or which seem 'unfair' to you? If the latter is the case, it may be that the way you are showing up and the way you see yourself are not in alignment. Our biggest problem is the ego. We may convince ourselves that we are just right for the part, but unlike actors on the stage, few of us have a director or producer to guide and coach us as we play each scene (experienced actors may not need, or think they need such guidance).
Another way to know more about how you show up is to ask for feedback, or get training, coaching or mentoring. If we can deal with the sometimes painful truth that constitutes the deficit between how we see ourselves and how the world sees us, then we are well on our way to getting places we want to go.
For a free training video on 'Showing Up' visit my You Tube channel at the following link
Showing Up
Wednesday, 21 October 2015
Wednesday, 14 October 2015
Roger Waters and The Scary Potential of Professionalism
When Pink Floyd first released The Wall in 1979 it drew a lot of criticism from some of the more radical critics of the time for being 'self-indulgent' grammar school angst, and so on at a time when progressive rock was seen as not politically correct, to say the least!Needless to say, while The Wall has now become established as a major achievement in rock history, the critics that hated it have been all but forgotten. In the new film release of The Wall performed live by Roger Waters and his band, we get a superb demonstration of how professionalism can push creative ventures way beyond expected levels of satisfaction into truly remarkable territory.
Heroes and performers can disappoint of course. The sports stars that fail to turn in a world class showing on the day that it matters are a good example.But professionalism when taken to its height can result in a level of consistency that almost defies belief. The Wall starts with a dramatic crescendo and builds from there, in a display of audacity and imagination on a scale very few artists can contemplate. As the concert progresses, interspersed with the narrative of Waters himself driving down to southern Italy to discover his father's war memorial, one wonders how such a down-to-earth seeming guy could pull off such a spectacle. Back in the stadium, the imagery becomes more potent, symbols overlaying symbols as we are taken further into the existential battle zone of Pink, the rock star protagonist's tortured world. Grandiose, yes. Subtle, no! Just when you think things can't get any more intense, we are taken to a new level. Waters clearly having the time of his life while turning in a performance of measured perfection.
Should we care about the fate of a successful rock star that has made a mess of his life? The Wall as a symbol takes us deeper, as Liam Neeson points out in the tribute/ introduction to this spectacle. For him, it represents the barrier he built between himself and the world, freezing out the possibility of a meaningful connection with existence. The Wall is an inner wall that we build as protection from a threatening and unmanageable world, between what we see as our vulnerable selves and a world that we must at all costs keep excluded. When seen in this way, Water's exaggerated characters, including the protagonist, fall into place as archetypal rather than specific. At the same time, the connection with Water's own circumstances are made ambiguous by the parallel story line, the loss of father and grandfather in two world wars and his obsession with wartime imagery.
The concert finale of The Trial brings us the magnificent animations of Gerald Scarfe's wife, mother and judge projected in monstrous proportions on a wall that covers the entire stage. Waters holds his nerve flawlessly to the end with the excellent back up musicians going with him the whole distance.
If you haven't acquainted yourself with the phenomenon that is Roger Water's The Wall, this new release is the perfect opportunity. War, loss, Oedipus, isolation, mental disintegration, neo-fascism, drug addiction, oppression, dictators, despair. It's all here. What more could you ask for?
Heroes and performers can disappoint of course. The sports stars that fail to turn in a world class showing on the day that it matters are a good example.But professionalism when taken to its height can result in a level of consistency that almost defies belief. The Wall starts with a dramatic crescendo and builds from there, in a display of audacity and imagination on a scale very few artists can contemplate. As the concert progresses, interspersed with the narrative of Waters himself driving down to southern Italy to discover his father's war memorial, one wonders how such a down-to-earth seeming guy could pull off such a spectacle. Back in the stadium, the imagery becomes more potent, symbols overlaying symbols as we are taken further into the existential battle zone of Pink, the rock star protagonist's tortured world. Grandiose, yes. Subtle, no! Just when you think things can't get any more intense, we are taken to a new level. Waters clearly having the time of his life while turning in a performance of measured perfection.
Should we care about the fate of a successful rock star that has made a mess of his life? The Wall as a symbol takes us deeper, as Liam Neeson points out in the tribute/ introduction to this spectacle. For him, it represents the barrier he built between himself and the world, freezing out the possibility of a meaningful connection with existence. The Wall is an inner wall that we build as protection from a threatening and unmanageable world, between what we see as our vulnerable selves and a world that we must at all costs keep excluded. When seen in this way, Water's exaggerated characters, including the protagonist, fall into place as archetypal rather than specific. At the same time, the connection with Water's own circumstances are made ambiguous by the parallel story line, the loss of father and grandfather in two world wars and his obsession with wartime imagery.
The concert finale of The Trial brings us the magnificent animations of Gerald Scarfe's wife, mother and judge projected in monstrous proportions on a wall that covers the entire stage. Waters holds his nerve flawlessly to the end with the excellent back up musicians going with him the whole distance.
If you haven't acquainted yourself with the phenomenon that is Roger Water's The Wall, this new release is the perfect opportunity. War, loss, Oedipus, isolation, mental disintegration, neo-fascism, drug addiction, oppression, dictators, despair. It's all here. What more could you ask for?
Tuesday, 6 October 2015
Rihanna comes out for the gentleman!
Respect to Rihanna for her recent statements on men. In an interview with the Evening Standard she describes her personal malaise in the area of relationships with guys, and wonders despairingly why they/we are not gentlemen anymore. "They think that...." she says, "if you take a chair out for a lady, or you're nice or even affectionate to your girl in front of your boys, you're less of a man. It's so sick. They won't be a gentleman because that makes them appear soft."
Leaving aside the discussion as to whether Rihanna is actually 'a lady', she does make a significant point which, when we follow its train of thought seems to lead us into a quagmire of gender-based contradictions.
Young men, like young women, are at the receiving end of a tidal wave of images that suggest, if not actually dictate, the way they should 'be' and what is acceptable, desirable and undesirable for a man to strive for in these times. One of the first to be accused and held responsible must surely be the Hollywood film industry which produces extremely potent role models and stories that undoubtedly leave a hefty imprint on the collective psyche. If we look at those Hollywood heroes we see that, since the time of the first Rocky movies, the male blueprint laid down by the industry has become increasingly tough, macho, pumped up, violent etc. Hugh Jackman, for example does not strike one as much of a book-reading man of sophistication. We also note that unmasculine men are often portrayed as suspicious and untrustworthy in these genres. There are exceptions of course, but on the whole it is muscle that seems to win out as the number one quality for a man to possess, just like for women it is a slim waistline and an inflatable chest. Englishmen are usually portrayed as villains with suspect sexual tendencies in the Hollywood genre too, which further compounds the suggestion that sophistication in a man is not to be pursued.
Such stereotypes are swallowed whole, and to some extent we participate in their propagation when we pay to see such movies. Young guys get the message that ruggedness, not sensitivity is to be cultivated. Male rap stars write ludicrous lyrics that are insulting to women and carry violent implications. Such 'music' is pumped across the globe, the rap stars are seen to become conspicuously wealthy and then we wonder why our young men are growing up with misogynist tendencies! We can begin to see how crazy and out-of-whack the whole picture actually is.
In the 1970's things were different. The cult of the hippy made it cool for men to show their sensitivity towards nature and to openly express their spiritual leanings, but all that changed in the 80's when inner searching gave way to materialism and it's attendant hubris. To display one's wealth rather than one's earth-consciousness became the preferred magnet for female attention, and of course most women participated (and still participate) in this by declaring themselves 'material girls'. Repulsed by male arrogance and violent tendencies, many women continue to hold out an immature longing for the strong armed hero to sweep them off their feet. But if brutishness is what you want, brutishness is what you will get, especially if you are a beautiful woman!
To further complicate matters there is the argument that women are actually far more attracted to husky-voiced hunks than they are to men of learning and sensitivity. After all, we're talking polar attraction here, aren't we? If men and women become more like each other, won't we lose the polarity that makes.....well, the world go round? Possibly not. Surely we have come further than such primitive imperatives would suggest and must affirm a more refined definition of positive gender identity.
Rihanna's statement that she's holding out for a gentleman rather than a hero is a positive and sensible one from an unexpected quarter. Let's hope that more prominent females have the good sense to lead men away from dysfunctional role templates and towards a more mature aspiration, even if it does sound a bit old fashioned.
Leaving aside the discussion as to whether Rihanna is actually 'a lady', she does make a significant point which, when we follow its train of thought seems to lead us into a quagmire of gender-based contradictions.
Young men, like young women, are at the receiving end of a tidal wave of images that suggest, if not actually dictate, the way they should 'be' and what is acceptable, desirable and undesirable for a man to strive for in these times. One of the first to be accused and held responsible must surely be the Hollywood film industry which produces extremely potent role models and stories that undoubtedly leave a hefty imprint on the collective psyche. If we look at those Hollywood heroes we see that, since the time of the first Rocky movies, the male blueprint laid down by the industry has become increasingly tough, macho, pumped up, violent etc. Hugh Jackman, for example does not strike one as much of a book-reading man of sophistication. We also note that unmasculine men are often portrayed as suspicious and untrustworthy in these genres. There are exceptions of course, but on the whole it is muscle that seems to win out as the number one quality for a man to possess, just like for women it is a slim waistline and an inflatable chest. Englishmen are usually portrayed as villains with suspect sexual tendencies in the Hollywood genre too, which further compounds the suggestion that sophistication in a man is not to be pursued.
Such stereotypes are swallowed whole, and to some extent we participate in their propagation when we pay to see such movies. Young guys get the message that ruggedness, not sensitivity is to be cultivated. Male rap stars write ludicrous lyrics that are insulting to women and carry violent implications. Such 'music' is pumped across the globe, the rap stars are seen to become conspicuously wealthy and then we wonder why our young men are growing up with misogynist tendencies! We can begin to see how crazy and out-of-whack the whole picture actually is.
In the 1970's things were different. The cult of the hippy made it cool for men to show their sensitivity towards nature and to openly express their spiritual leanings, but all that changed in the 80's when inner searching gave way to materialism and it's attendant hubris. To display one's wealth rather than one's earth-consciousness became the preferred magnet for female attention, and of course most women participated (and still participate) in this by declaring themselves 'material girls'. Repulsed by male arrogance and violent tendencies, many women continue to hold out an immature longing for the strong armed hero to sweep them off their feet. But if brutishness is what you want, brutishness is what you will get, especially if you are a beautiful woman!
To further complicate matters there is the argument that women are actually far more attracted to husky-voiced hunks than they are to men of learning and sensitivity. After all, we're talking polar attraction here, aren't we? If men and women become more like each other, won't we lose the polarity that makes.....well, the world go round? Possibly not. Surely we have come further than such primitive imperatives would suggest and must affirm a more refined definition of positive gender identity.
Rihanna's statement that she's holding out for a gentleman rather than a hero is a positive and sensible one from an unexpected quarter. Let's hope that more prominent females have the good sense to lead men away from dysfunctional role templates and towards a more mature aspiration, even if it does sound a bit old fashioned.
Thursday, 24 September 2015
So you wanna be an innovator?
The idea of being an innovator may sound very nice or appealing, but what does it really take to be an innovator and how do we know if we are on the right track?
One way of testing whether or not your ideas are truly penetrating is to, obviously share them with others. Some people will probably find them 'interesting', some will become converts almost immediately, but the real test is whether or not your ideas seem to cause offence among the 'business as usual' thinkers that carry on their lives as if the answer to everything is obvious and plain common sense! You'll know if you are onto something interesting when these types not only oppose your ideas, but seem to take them as personal affronts. In time, you'll come to recognise the peculiar quality of this type of resistance because it has a particularly nasty undertone. When you first start to innovate freely and experience this phenomenon, you may find it disturbing and want to retreat or even feel as if you should apologise. You may even decide that innovation is simply too much grief and go back to doing things 'their' way or continue your work in secret. On the other hand, if you persist, you'll come to understand that such reactions are a sure sign that you've hit on something meaningful and that they are just part of the package. I'm not talking here about trying to offend people by making gratuitously extreme statements.I mean that when you start asking certain questions about how things are done, and why they are done this way, you will see how threatened some people apparently feel by the implications of your sincere desire to push forward into new territory. The solution? Just understand, and appreciate what you're getting yourself into.
One way of testing whether or not your ideas are truly penetrating is to, obviously share them with others. Some people will probably find them 'interesting', some will become converts almost immediately, but the real test is whether or not your ideas seem to cause offence among the 'business as usual' thinkers that carry on their lives as if the answer to everything is obvious and plain common sense! You'll know if you are onto something interesting when these types not only oppose your ideas, but seem to take them as personal affronts. In time, you'll come to recognise the peculiar quality of this type of resistance because it has a particularly nasty undertone. When you first start to innovate freely and experience this phenomenon, you may find it disturbing and want to retreat or even feel as if you should apologise. You may even decide that innovation is simply too much grief and go back to doing things 'their' way or continue your work in secret. On the other hand, if you persist, you'll come to understand that such reactions are a sure sign that you've hit on something meaningful and that they are just part of the package. I'm not talking here about trying to offend people by making gratuitously extreme statements.I mean that when you start asking certain questions about how things are done, and why they are done this way, you will see how threatened some people apparently feel by the implications of your sincere desire to push forward into new territory. The solution? Just understand, and appreciate what you're getting yourself into.
Wednesday, 16 September 2015
The Prosperity Mindset
An American author and speaker by the name of Randy Gage is a specialist on the subject of prosperity and the prosperity mindset. His compelling claim is that prosperity is a state of mind that goes beyond how you see issues relating to wealth and money. In his definition, prosperity is a lifestyle and concerns your health and diet, exercise, friends and associates, beliefs, activities, habits etc etc.
A person's ability to be wealthy, according to the prosperity mindset, depends not on their background, education, work ethic or ability to save but on their values and relationship with principles of prosperity. Thus, a person born into a rich family will not remain so if they acquire anti-prosperity patterns as they grow up. The fact that most children of wealthy people remain wealthy is due to their inheritance of a prosperity mindset and growing up in a an environment where prosperity is a fact of life. For these people, there is often no need to adjust their patterns. But for most of us, there is work to be done in analyzing truthfully and courageously our REAL relationship with prosperity, asking where our ideas came from and whether or not they support us in having a shot of living happy and complete lives.
If you're interested in finding our more about the prosperity mindset, a recommended book is Randy Gage's "Why You're Poor Sick Dumb and Broke and How to get Healthy, Wealthy and Wise."
We all want to prosper, but according to Randy Gage, most of us have thought patterns, or 'mind-viruses' that prevent or obstruct us from doing so. These can manifest in many different ways. For example, there's the 'victim mentality' where we see ourselves as forlorn but heroic individuals struggling against the big corporation, our employer, the politicians etc. Another damaging idea that many people hold is 'the entitlement mentality' where we affirm our right to a free education, healthcare, public services etc without necessarily giving back very much to society. Another idea that is perhaps more controversial is the question of who gets to benefit from our ability to add value and solve problems in society. Randy Gage's libertarian point of view is that we are entitled to receive in proportion to the value we create in society, an idea which is antithetical, for example to socialism where the spoils of enterprise and innovation are forcibly redistributed.
Have you ever felt resentment towards that big, pinstripe suited guy gliding past behind the wheel of his Rolls Royce while you stand at the curb waiting to cross the road in the rain? If the answer is 'Yes' even for a split second, then you are infected with limiting and anti-prosperity memes, or thought patterns. You might not go so far as to run your key down the side of his vehicle when you see it parked, but you are only two or three steps removed from this point of view. You might catch yourself thinking, for example something cynical that suggests the rich guy must have done something dishonest to get where he is today.Behind such thoughts lurk anti-prosperity patterns that can sabotage your ability to create prosperity in your life.
A person's ability to be wealthy, according to the prosperity mindset, depends not on their background, education, work ethic or ability to save but on their values and relationship with principles of prosperity. Thus, a person born into a rich family will not remain so if they acquire anti-prosperity patterns as they grow up. The fact that most children of wealthy people remain wealthy is due to their inheritance of a prosperity mindset and growing up in a an environment where prosperity is a fact of life. For these people, there is often no need to adjust their patterns. But for most of us, there is work to be done in analyzing truthfully and courageously our REAL relationship with prosperity, asking where our ideas came from and whether or not they support us in having a shot of living happy and complete lives.
If you're interested in finding our more about the prosperity mindset, a recommended book is Randy Gage's "Why You're Poor Sick Dumb and Broke and How to get Healthy, Wealthy and Wise."
Friday, 11 September 2015
What is it about management speak ?
Most of us have our pet-cringes when it comes to management speak. The ones that really get to me personally are ring-fenced and skill set. The second of these in particular is enough to make me break off a potential working relationship with anyone that uses it. But what is it exactly about this type of language that can be so grating? Is it that there's something very bland about the thinking behind the terminology? Something so very uninspiring? Is it the pall of standardization that hangs around these terms like a shroud around the hope we all had for a lively, fulfilling career? Do we accept that work is basically an onerous but necessary chore that has to be got out of the way before we can have fun? Maybe it's that these 'management' terms somehow remind us of this troubling question.
Language has the potential to inspire us, to describe possibilities that don't yet exist. Such language can be called 'declarative' as it declares into existence something that comes from the power of human vision and imagination. When language fails to do this and falls into the 'business as usual' pattern of describing procedures, it loses its potential and becomes deadening, sapping our enthusiasm and energy. Perhaps this is the echo that reverberates through a lot of management speak, and which so many people find annoying?
Language has the potential to inspire us, to describe possibilities that don't yet exist. Such language can be called 'declarative' as it declares into existence something that comes from the power of human vision and imagination. When language fails to do this and falls into the 'business as usual' pattern of describing procedures, it loses its potential and becomes deadening, sapping our enthusiasm and energy. Perhaps this is the echo that reverberates through a lot of management speak, and which so many people find annoying?
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
One thing that turns people off about politicians...
Listening to 'experts' and politicians defending their positions on Radio 4's Today program is a case study in what good communication isn't. These professional opinion makers have chugged along into the studio to toe the party line or defend their viewpoint or in some cases justify their jobs. The format is usually two parties of opposing views in the studio, so we may get say, a eurosceptic UKIP member versus a euro-apologist of one stripe or another going head-to-head, neither of which has any intention of actually listening to the other side.
This is the prevalent pattern of what is called 'discussion' or debate in the media and we see it everywhere. Someone has a position to defend that they identify with. The exchanges soon deteriorate into prepared arguments, both sides come out of it sounding boorish, arrogant, blinkered and pushy.The public shake their heads and say they can't trust politicians.
What would it actually be like, for example if on one of these media debates, they actually listened to each other and considered changing their minds? Unlikely to happen of course, because in most cases their jobs depend on taking up a particular position. Is this a kind of corruption?
What would it actually be like, for example if on one of these media debates, they actually listened to each other and considered changing their minds? Unlikely to happen of course, because in most cases their jobs depend on taking up a particular position. Is this a kind of corruption?
Friday, 19 June 2015
Why the mind is designed to stop us growing.
Most people in western society would probably describe themselves as open-minded. However, it doesn't take much testing to discover that this claim is often made falsely. There is a good reason for this being the case and it lies in the nature of the mind itself.
Most people in western society would probably describe themselves as open-minded. However, it doesn't take much testing to discover that this claim is often made falsely. There is a good reason for this being the case and it lies in the nature of the mind itself.
We can think of the mind as being like a machine or a computational device. It produces thoughts, feelings and images in response to incoming data or stimuli. It works automatically, driven purely by the incoming stimuli, giving out results in the form of judgement, words, concepts and emotions that can be experienced as waves of varying intensity. For the most part, such responses from the mind go unchallenged. In other words we tend to accept these mind-responses as true, as real and as 'us'.
In addition to this machine-like modus operandi, another characteristic of the mind is the impulse to defend itself, and what it sees as its integrity in response to new stimuli. The mind knows itself very well, although it tries to conceal this fact from all of us. It knows that its foundations, its principles and beliefs are in fact very shaky and it needs to keep this fact away from our consciousness as much as possible by putting on a good show of being confident or sure of its opinions. Notice that this is a characteristic that tends to strengthen with age.
In this way, when something threatens the minds' integrity by introducing a radically new idea, the mind's instinct is to close ranks and defend against such an invasion. It also needs to produce a justification for doing this in the form of a belief, facts, data and opinions. This is one of the characteristics of the mind that keeps people stuck in life patterns that don't work, that bring harmful or damaging results, and that allow them to cede responsibility for their own existence.
We can also think of the mind as a system. A system is something that works with an integrity, or completeness that allows it to function. Closed systems have the characteristic of running down over time in accordance with the 2nd law of thermodynamics. However, an open system that has the capacity to exchange energy with the environment has the potential to expand by 'escaping into a higher order' . this can occur when the system interacts with the environment to the degree that it is sufficiently destabilized that its whole integrity is threatened. When this process is pushed beyond the tipping point, the system either collapses altogether or re-arranges itself in a new and superior pattern that has the capacity to incorporate and make use of the new level of interaction with the external environment.
When we apply this principle to the mind we see that before expanding into a higher order, the mind's integrity must be threatened to the extent that it is destabilized and this would involve challenging and undermining the core principles and beliefs that keep the mind locked in a set of limiting patterns.
Unfortunately, the mind itself is structured to exclude and avoid such experiences. This is partly due to a cultural meme that says something like 'It's bad to be uncertain, destabilized and have our views undermined'.
In order to expand our mind, our view of the world and our possibilities, we must open to new ideas and remain open. Understanding that a period of mild or extreme destabilization is part of this process can help us to engage more productively and grow as we expand our view of the world on an ongoing basis.
Michael Brooman June 2015
Tuesday, 10 February 2015
Be a Professional
What is professionalism?
What does it mean?
Professionalism means you can do a better job than an amateur. It means you can do it better than I can at home. That's what I expect when I go to a professional. You've got the professional equipment and facilities. This is what you DO, right? You should be able to do it better than me,
So, if I go and buy a coffee from a professional barista, I expect a better coffee than I could make at home.
If I go to a mechanic, I expect them to fix my car better than I could do at home.
If I go to a teacher, I expect them to tell me (or show me) something I don't know already.
If I go to a restaurant, I expect a better quality meal than I could make at home.
If I take a taxi, I expect a better driver than I am to be up front at the wheel.
You get the point. Of course there can be exceptions. But in general this is what we should expect from a professional.
Frequently, of course this is not the case. In London, this is often not the case in restaurants, for example.
What about you? Do you consistently offer a better service/ product than your clients could get at home or by themselves or from a friend? If not, it may be time to step up your game.
What is professionalism?
What does it mean?
Professionalism means you can do a better job than an amateur. It means you can do it better than I can at home. That's what I expect when I go to a professional. You've got the professional equipment and facilities. This is what you DO, right? You should be able to do it better than me,
So, if I go and buy a coffee from a professional barista, I expect a better coffee than I could make at home.
If I go to a mechanic, I expect them to fix my car better than I could do at home.
If I go to a teacher, I expect them to tell me (or show me) something I don't know already.
If I go to a restaurant, I expect a better quality meal than I could make at home.
If I take a taxi, I expect a better driver than I am to be up front at the wheel.
You get the point. Of course there can be exceptions. But in general this is what we should expect from a professional.
Frequently, of course this is not the case. In London, this is often not the case in restaurants, for example.
What about you? Do you consistently offer a better service/ product than your clients could get at home or by themselves or from a friend? If not, it may be time to step up your game.
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
LIFE (terms and conditions apply)
If you listen to the radio then you may have heard the commercials where they give you a high-impact product description following by the words "terms and conditions apply."
Of course this could cover a whole host of limitations and could serve to diminish or degrade your enjoyment or experience of the product or service being advertised.
With the Human Experience, it's a rather similar type of dynamic. You grow up with a feeling of tremendous possibility. You want to be a racing driver, a spaceman, a footballer, whatever. The child does not live in a world of constraints because it simply has not been exposed to them.
When you get older however, you begin to hear more and more about what's NOT possible. This may not always be communicated directly but if you persist in clinging to your childhood dreams of living a life without limits, someone is going to tell you sooner or later that the 'real' world is not that way.
The media, which constantly and relentlessly reports stories of tragedy and doom, compounds and strengthens the idea that the world is in fact a place of limitation.
The teenage years are when the limitation really tends to hit home and take up a strong and dominant presence in our awareness. From then onward, for almost everyone, limitation will be the defining characteristic of their lives. Yes there will be breakthroughs, there will be times when life seems 'good', but ultimately the Human Experience has massive, massive limitation and restriction built into it.
To be sure, there are people that appear to have extraordinary success, either consistently or for a limited period. They may become a pop star or world famous actor. But even there it doesn't take much to see that they have paid some kind of price for their success and in other areas of their lives they may feel anything but successful.
It seems as though The Human Experience has limitation built into it and this is what can leave so many people feeling unhappy, frustrated, lost, angry or depressed.
The question is: What really creates that limitation and what does it take to remove it and live a life that is truly fulfilling and consistently characterised by a real experience of freedom?
Spirituality, if it is to have any value, needs to address these issues in a way that allows us to have some influence, some power in the matter. If it does not, it is a broken and flawed way of looking at the world.
But what if........
What if nothing in the Human Experience was real?
You've probably heard something along these lines before. That we are living an illusion.
What if that were true?
What if NOTHING in this Human Experience was real?
What if your body was not real?
What if your friends and family were not real?
What if your boss, colleagues, company and job were not real?
What if the media, the government, the country, the oceans and forests were not real?
What if your bank account and all the money in the world were not real?
What if NOTHING, none of it at all was real?
What if it were a kind of very sophisticated 3D movie that just looks incredibly real?
Well the interesting thing is that, if you look into quantum physics, there is a lot to support this idea.
The whole universe is made up of molecules, atoms and much smaller particles. But when you get down to it, as far as we know, there's really nothing there!!
If you listen to the radio then you may have heard the commercials where they give you a high-impact product description following by the words "terms and conditions apply."
Of course this could cover a whole host of limitations and could serve to diminish or degrade your enjoyment or experience of the product or service being advertised.
With the Human Experience, it's a rather similar type of dynamic. You grow up with a feeling of tremendous possibility. You want to be a racing driver, a spaceman, a footballer, whatever. The child does not live in a world of constraints because it simply has not been exposed to them.
When you get older however, you begin to hear more and more about what's NOT possible. This may not always be communicated directly but if you persist in clinging to your childhood dreams of living a life without limits, someone is going to tell you sooner or later that the 'real' world is not that way.
The media, which constantly and relentlessly reports stories of tragedy and doom, compounds and strengthens the idea that the world is in fact a place of limitation.
The teenage years are when the limitation really tends to hit home and take up a strong and dominant presence in our awareness. From then onward, for almost everyone, limitation will be the defining characteristic of their lives. Yes there will be breakthroughs, there will be times when life seems 'good', but ultimately the Human Experience has massive, massive limitation and restriction built into it.
To be sure, there are people that appear to have extraordinary success, either consistently or for a limited period. They may become a pop star or world famous actor. But even there it doesn't take much to see that they have paid some kind of price for their success and in other areas of their lives they may feel anything but successful.
It seems as though The Human Experience has limitation built into it and this is what can leave so many people feeling unhappy, frustrated, lost, angry or depressed.
The question is: What really creates that limitation and what does it take to remove it and live a life that is truly fulfilling and consistently characterised by a real experience of freedom?
Spirituality, if it is to have any value, needs to address these issues in a way that allows us to have some influence, some power in the matter. If it does not, it is a broken and flawed way of looking at the world.
But what if........
What if nothing in the Human Experience was real?
You've probably heard something along these lines before. That we are living an illusion.
What if that were true?
What if NOTHING in this Human Experience was real?
What if your body was not real?
What if your friends and family were not real?
What if your boss, colleagues, company and job were not real?
What if the media, the government, the country, the oceans and forests were not real?
What if your bank account and all the money in the world were not real?
What if NOTHING, none of it at all was real?
What if it were a kind of very sophisticated 3D movie that just looks incredibly real?
Well the interesting thing is that, if you look into quantum physics, there is a lot to support this idea.
The whole universe is made up of molecules, atoms and much smaller particles. But when you get down to it, as far as we know, there's really nothing there!!
Thursday, 29 January 2015
A REAL alternative-Part 2
In the first part of this two-part blog post, I described how I came across the 'teachings' of Robert Scheinfeld as a REALLY alternative way of living.
I'm going to continue here by going into more detail about what differentiates these teachings and why you may wish to investigate this opportunity further.
If you look at most self-help programs, techniques and strategies, you'll see that they recommend a set of actions that are supposed to change or improve our lives in one way or another. Let's take as an example meditation. In meditation the aim is to quieten the mind by going into a particular state that may involve breathing techniques, counting and/or forms of visualisation. The idea is that we can close out the 'noise' and interference of our busy mind and experience a state that is closer to 'blissful' or 'calm' or 'peaceful'. The implication is that we can feel 'better' or happier or more in control by doing this and that it will somehow impact on our lives.
This is fine as long as it lasts, but if you have ever tried meditation you will know that as soon as the session is over, the mind starts up it's activity again and very soon we are back where we started. In other words the supposedly positive effects only last as long as we are engaged in meditation itself and sometimes for a short while afterwards.No real transformation of our actual EXPERIENCE has taken place.
The structure and aim of meditation is based around the wish to change our state, even if only temporarily, and experience a different state of being which by implication is superior. Unfortunately it is an aim that is in direct opposition to the way our contemporary lives are structured and the way our minds function.
In the teachings of Robert Scheinfeld, which I shall refer to as Phase 2 from here, there is an opportunity to move into an experience of appreciating whatever we are experiencing, whether we call it peace, calm, stress, fatigue, excitement, frustration, anger etc. What Phase 2 represents is a major, MAJOR shift in the way we perceive experiences. It is almost a mirror image of our 'normal' way of perceiving and experiencing the world, which is called Phase 1 in Robert's work.
In Phase 1 of our human experience, there are 'good' and 'bad' events and emotions. Judging our experience in this way is SO ingrained that it is rare that we even question the validity of our judgements.
Almost all self-help and wellness techniques incorporate the idea that there are good and bad experiences and states of being. They attempt to maximise the 'good' ones and minimise the 'bad' ones through an endless variety of strategies.
In the Phase 2 model that Scheinfeld teaches, these distinctions are seen, and experienced in a wholly new light which increasingly as time moves on provides a gateway to a completely different way of living.
In my view, the central piece and most powerful tool that Robert Scheinfeld offers us is something called 'The Process' which is an activity for transforming the way we experience the world and in particular the emotions and events that we would usually term 'bad' or 'negative'. This Process also transforms 'how' we live our lives as the established 'change, fix and improve' way of living gives way to a massive sense of appreciation and openness to whatever comes along in our lives.
The Phase 2 journey, which involves the transformation over time of how we experience ourselves and our lives is a significant undertaking which in most cases will run into years of living in Phase 2 mode before entering a new state which can be termed Phase 3. Yet the journey itself is a fascinating and rewarding one that gives us a completely different perspective on what is REALLY happening here in the world, where the REAL power source driving reality is located, and what's REALLY possible in this realm that we could call 'The Human Game.'
For more information, Phase 2/3 coaching is available in the UK by writing to me at:
pathway@michaelbrooman.co.uk
I'm going to continue here by going into more detail about what differentiates these teachings and why you may wish to investigate this opportunity further.
If you look at most self-help programs, techniques and strategies, you'll see that they recommend a set of actions that are supposed to change or improve our lives in one way or another. Let's take as an example meditation. In meditation the aim is to quieten the mind by going into a particular state that may involve breathing techniques, counting and/or forms of visualisation. The idea is that we can close out the 'noise' and interference of our busy mind and experience a state that is closer to 'blissful' or 'calm' or 'peaceful'. The implication is that we can feel 'better' or happier or more in control by doing this and that it will somehow impact on our lives.
This is fine as long as it lasts, but if you have ever tried meditation you will know that as soon as the session is over, the mind starts up it's activity again and very soon we are back where we started. In other words the supposedly positive effects only last as long as we are engaged in meditation itself and sometimes for a short while afterwards.No real transformation of our actual EXPERIENCE has taken place.
The structure and aim of meditation is based around the wish to change our state, even if only temporarily, and experience a different state of being which by implication is superior. Unfortunately it is an aim that is in direct opposition to the way our contemporary lives are structured and the way our minds function.
In the teachings of Robert Scheinfeld, which I shall refer to as Phase 2 from here, there is an opportunity to move into an experience of appreciating whatever we are experiencing, whether we call it peace, calm, stress, fatigue, excitement, frustration, anger etc. What Phase 2 represents is a major, MAJOR shift in the way we perceive experiences. It is almost a mirror image of our 'normal' way of perceiving and experiencing the world, which is called Phase 1 in Robert's work.
In Phase 1 of our human experience, there are 'good' and 'bad' events and emotions. Judging our experience in this way is SO ingrained that it is rare that we even question the validity of our judgements.
Almost all self-help and wellness techniques incorporate the idea that there are good and bad experiences and states of being. They attempt to maximise the 'good' ones and minimise the 'bad' ones through an endless variety of strategies.
In the Phase 2 model that Scheinfeld teaches, these distinctions are seen, and experienced in a wholly new light which increasingly as time moves on provides a gateway to a completely different way of living.
In my view, the central piece and most powerful tool that Robert Scheinfeld offers us is something called 'The Process' which is an activity for transforming the way we experience the world and in particular the emotions and events that we would usually term 'bad' or 'negative'. This Process also transforms 'how' we live our lives as the established 'change, fix and improve' way of living gives way to a massive sense of appreciation and openness to whatever comes along in our lives.
The Phase 2 journey, which involves the transformation over time of how we experience ourselves and our lives is a significant undertaking which in most cases will run into years of living in Phase 2 mode before entering a new state which can be termed Phase 3. Yet the journey itself is a fascinating and rewarding one that gives us a completely different perspective on what is REALLY happening here in the world, where the REAL power source driving reality is located, and what's REALLY possible in this realm that we could call 'The Human Game.'
For more information, Phase 2/3 coaching is available in the UK by writing to me at:
pathway@michaelbrooman.co.uk
Monday, 19 January 2015
A REAL Alternative- Part 1
Many self-help and wellness techniques and methods purport to offer an alternative way of living. Indeed, in London the biggest 'New Age' organisation that distributes such techniques and teachings calls itself Alternatives. But in what sense are the teachings that they offer real alternatives?
In my experience, what may look like an alternative at first often turns out to be not so alternative after all. A lot of self-help and wellness methods,techniques and strategies sound and look extremely convincing and seductive. But when it comes down to it, how many of them truly offer an alternative way of living and looking at what's going on in the world?
For many years, I was also looking for an alternative. I was certain that there was another way of living that did not conform to the traditional views of the world and how things happen. I searched and experimented. At one time in my 20's I even went to live with a group of travellers, hoping to discover an alternative lifestyle. What I found disappointed me. The only thing that was alternative about them was the fact that they lived in a bus instead of a house. Apart from that, they seemed much the same as everyone else.
Later I got involved with various 'New Age' type approaches, often based on ancient wisdom, and although I found the ideas and concepts quite exciting and engaging, I found that they did not offer up a lifestyle that was both practical and truly alternative. They might for example teach or suggest a technique or strategy that could be applied at times to supposedly get desired effects, but they did not offer what really felt like a truly alternative approach to living. At another stage I discovered some of the top professional coaches that teach people how to 'be the best' and perform at a high level. Again, they offered some exciting ideas but in the end they were for the most part suggesting that we simply do more, MUCH more in order to get results. For example, they might advise getting 'super fit', which is a great idea but extremely difficult to manage if you are not a full-time athlete or fanatical about exercise!
About 9 years ago I became interested in the teachings of the American self-help author Robert Scheinfeld. At the time he was offering a program called the Seven Power Centres of Life. In his pitch he mentioned that this was something very different from most 'alternative' teachings. It was also a new offering that he had put together that would later morph into what became the Busting Loose model and more recently, the Ultimate Key to Freedom.
At the time I heard his pitch I had reached a low point. It was soon after I had been divorced and I'd just got dumped by a girlfriend very unceremoniously. In short I was feeling that life was turning into a big disappointment! In the words of Morpheus in the film, The Matrix, I felt that "something was wrong with the world". I decided to give Robert Scheinfeld's course, for which he was making some dramatic claims, a try. What did I have to lose?
Robert Scheinfeld's course did turn out to be different from anything I had experienced before. It also turned into a life changing event that took me on an extraordinary journey of discovery and 'expansion'. From the outside one might be forgiven for thinking that Robert Scheinfeld is just another 'self-help guru' marketing his products in a way that is very slick and professional. Indeed at first sight, Robert's products may look similar to those of many others in the self-help field. However, what I learned from deep and profound personal experience was that the similarity ends there and that whatever you may be thinking these products are about, it does not come close to the truth of what this particular journey has looked and felt like for myself and many others.
In the next part of this blog I will go into more detail about Robert Scheinfeld's approach and teachings. In the meantime if you would like to know more you can go to the link below and access a free introduction from Robert Scheinfeld.
http://www.robertscheinfeld.com/spiritual-teaching-modern-times/
Alternatively I am offering personal coaching through my coaching website at
https://sites.google.com/site/pathwayyoucoaching/Our-coaching
Many self-help and wellness techniques and methods purport to offer an alternative way of living. Indeed, in London the biggest 'New Age' organisation that distributes such techniques and teachings calls itself Alternatives. But in what sense are the teachings that they offer real alternatives?
In my experience, what may look like an alternative at first often turns out to be not so alternative after all. A lot of self-help and wellness methods,techniques and strategies sound and look extremely convincing and seductive. But when it comes down to it, how many of them truly offer an alternative way of living and looking at what's going on in the world?
For many years, I was also looking for an alternative. I was certain that there was another way of living that did not conform to the traditional views of the world and how things happen. I searched and experimented. At one time in my 20's I even went to live with a group of travellers, hoping to discover an alternative lifestyle. What I found disappointed me. The only thing that was alternative about them was the fact that they lived in a bus instead of a house. Apart from that, they seemed much the same as everyone else.
Later I got involved with various 'New Age' type approaches, often based on ancient wisdom, and although I found the ideas and concepts quite exciting and engaging, I found that they did not offer up a lifestyle that was both practical and truly alternative. They might for example teach or suggest a technique or strategy that could be applied at times to supposedly get desired effects, but they did not offer what really felt like a truly alternative approach to living. At another stage I discovered some of the top professional coaches that teach people how to 'be the best' and perform at a high level. Again, they offered some exciting ideas but in the end they were for the most part suggesting that we simply do more, MUCH more in order to get results. For example, they might advise getting 'super fit', which is a great idea but extremely difficult to manage if you are not a full-time athlete or fanatical about exercise!
About 9 years ago I became interested in the teachings of the American self-help author Robert Scheinfeld. At the time he was offering a program called the Seven Power Centres of Life. In his pitch he mentioned that this was something very different from most 'alternative' teachings. It was also a new offering that he had put together that would later morph into what became the Busting Loose model and more recently, the Ultimate Key to Freedom.
At the time I heard his pitch I had reached a low point. It was soon after I had been divorced and I'd just got dumped by a girlfriend very unceremoniously. In short I was feeling that life was turning into a big disappointment! In the words of Morpheus in the film, The Matrix, I felt that "something was wrong with the world". I decided to give Robert Scheinfeld's course, for which he was making some dramatic claims, a try. What did I have to lose?
Robert Scheinfeld's course did turn out to be different from anything I had experienced before. It also turned into a life changing event that took me on an extraordinary journey of discovery and 'expansion'. From the outside one might be forgiven for thinking that Robert Scheinfeld is just another 'self-help guru' marketing his products in a way that is very slick and professional. Indeed at first sight, Robert's products may look similar to those of many others in the self-help field. However, what I learned from deep and profound personal experience was that the similarity ends there and that whatever you may be thinking these products are about, it does not come close to the truth of what this particular journey has looked and felt like for myself and many others.
In the next part of this blog I will go into more detail about Robert Scheinfeld's approach and teachings. In the meantime if you would like to know more you can go to the link below and access a free introduction from Robert Scheinfeld.
http://www.robertscheinfeld.com/spiritual-teaching-modern-times/
Alternatively I am offering personal coaching through my coaching website at
https://sites.google.com/site/pathwayyoucoaching/Our-coaching
Friday, 16 January 2015
The 'You're New Here' Syndrome
By Michael Brooman
Have you ever changed your job and started at a new company? Personally I have done this many many times. If you have you are probably familiar with the 'you're new here' syndrome.
This is how it works:
You get a new job and show up at a new place of work. Some or perhaps most of the new colleagues are nice to your face and appear to welcome you. After a few days though you notice that other colleagues are not treating you.......well....as a human being. In effect what they are saying is this:
Because you haven't worked here long you are not worthy of my respect. You are basically an inferior being.
Unfortunately it doesn't end there with a few negative individuals being a bit (or very) unpleasant. It may extend into your professional status and career where you find that your skills, ideas and contribution are not valued as much as the more established staff members that have had plenty of time to cosy-up to the management. You might be the most skilled person in the world in your field, but this won't make any difference if the organisation is running a 'You're New Here' kind of racket.
You may find that your opinion is undervalued and your work is not recognised too, which is a very undermining and uncomfortable feeling if you are a serious player.
In any case you should NEVER, NEVER accept this kind of attitude or behaviour from colleagues. If people are treating you in this way they are deluded and scared and should be recognised as such. They are exploiting the distorted power relationships of the microcosm in which they are working to defend themselves from the truth that they are corrupted and frightened individuals, living fearfully in a very limited reality. Do NOT under any circumstances accept their behaviour or attitude towards your work! Nor do they deserve your sympathy or understanding. They are not helping anyone, including themselves with their behaviour.
What should you do under these circumstances? Almost impossible to confront people and 'out' them. it's unlikely they'll accept the truth of the situation and if one of them is your boss, you definitely risk losing your job. Probably the only option you have is to make your work even better so at least you can be sure that you are not going insane. One day, sooner or later you will benefit from giving more value and being an even better professional. Ultimately you will either move on or no longer be the 'New Around Here' employee and who knows, you may even win the respect of the ones that treated you badly, for what it's worth!
Corruption of which this is just one example, is an insidious and damaging virus because it so often lurks unacknowledged, kept hidden by a conspiracy of silence. It is the type of human behaviour that caused the 2008 global economic meltdown and worse throughout history. It will cause many companies to go out of business, and many worthy people to be unhappy in one way or another.
The first thing you can do is to recognise corruption and cronyism when you see it. Look around for allies. Probably you are not the only one that has noticed the glaringly obvious. If you break the silence you are a courageous person but understand that you'll be the first in the firing line when you do.
By Michael Brooman
Have you ever changed your job and started at a new company? Personally I have done this many many times. If you have you are probably familiar with the 'you're new here' syndrome.
This is how it works:
You get a new job and show up at a new place of work. Some or perhaps most of the new colleagues are nice to your face and appear to welcome you. After a few days though you notice that other colleagues are not treating you.......well....as a human being. In effect what they are saying is this:
Because you haven't worked here long you are not worthy of my respect. You are basically an inferior being.
Unfortunately it doesn't end there with a few negative individuals being a bit (or very) unpleasant. It may extend into your professional status and career where you find that your skills, ideas and contribution are not valued as much as the more established staff members that have had plenty of time to cosy-up to the management. You might be the most skilled person in the world in your field, but this won't make any difference if the organisation is running a 'You're New Here' kind of racket.
You may find that your opinion is undervalued and your work is not recognised too, which is a very undermining and uncomfortable feeling if you are a serious player.
In any case you should NEVER, NEVER accept this kind of attitude or behaviour from colleagues. If people are treating you in this way they are deluded and scared and should be recognised as such. They are exploiting the distorted power relationships of the microcosm in which they are working to defend themselves from the truth that they are corrupted and frightened individuals, living fearfully in a very limited reality. Do NOT under any circumstances accept their behaviour or attitude towards your work! Nor do they deserve your sympathy or understanding. They are not helping anyone, including themselves with their behaviour.
What should you do under these circumstances? Almost impossible to confront people and 'out' them. it's unlikely they'll accept the truth of the situation and if one of them is your boss, you definitely risk losing your job. Probably the only option you have is to make your work even better so at least you can be sure that you are not going insane. One day, sooner or later you will benefit from giving more value and being an even better professional. Ultimately you will either move on or no longer be the 'New Around Here' employee and who knows, you may even win the respect of the ones that treated you badly, for what it's worth!
Corruption of which this is just one example, is an insidious and damaging virus because it so often lurks unacknowledged, kept hidden by a conspiracy of silence. It is the type of human behaviour that caused the 2008 global economic meltdown and worse throughout history. It will cause many companies to go out of business, and many worthy people to be unhappy in one way or another.
The first thing you can do is to recognise corruption and cronyism when you see it. Look around for allies. Probably you are not the only one that has noticed the glaringly obvious. If you break the silence you are a courageous person but understand that you'll be the first in the firing line when you do.
Wednesday, 7 January 2015
Goal Setting- Beware!
If you plug into the personal and professional development world, as I have done for many years, you will immediately encounter the notion that setting goals is good. Many trusted professional advisers will actually tell you that if you do not set goals you will never arrive or achieve the things you 'want' in life.
Personally I have never been a goal setter by instinct. Yes I always had things that I 'wanted' but in terms of mapping out a path for achieving them, that was something I never felt motivated to do. However, a couple of years ago I reached a point where I started to listen to the authors and top coaches who insist that setting goals is the right path to travel if we ever want to be satisfied.
So I gave it a try. I even wrote down in detail the goals that I thought I wanted to achieve and how I would achieve them. 30 day goals, 90 day goals, 6 month goals et cetera.I was determined. This time I would work towards my goals, achieve them and get the things I 'wanted'.
But an interesting thing happened. Life happened. I found that some of the ways I had set to achieve my goals did not suit me. They felt 'wrong' and were simply not very interesting for me to be involved in.I found it exhausting and stressful to even think about some of them. Life was already busy, but these goals involved taking massive added action that I had neither the energy nor enthusiasm to go through with. Furthermore, when I went back to review my goals after a few weeks, I wasn't even sure that these were the things I really wanted!
Another thing that occurred to me was this: supposing I carry out all these actions over 6 months and then whatever number of years and I DON'T reach the goals that I'm not totally sure I want anyway? I would have wasted years of time and energy doing stuff that wasn't fun or particularly creative. Or, supposing I carried out all the actions over several years and I DID reach these goals and then found that I didn't really want them after all? Or, supposing I carried out my plans and became bored with the predictability of it all, ignoring the random stuff that comes up in life so that I can focus on these goals?
Yes I understand that for some people, goal-setting does appear to work. I understand that some people swear by it and seem to use it quite effectively. But to me, it seems like a very constraining way to live.
We all have 'wants' and 'desires'. These are things we say that we want. But how often do we question WHY it is that we want these things? Where do these desires actually come from? More importantly, how do we really know that they will improve our lives and bring us satisfaction? Short answer, we don't. The world is littered with individual examples of people that achieved their goals but were far from happy or satisfied. They got the stuff that almost everyone on the planet would say that they want, but it didn't really do them any good in the long run.
More money, a beautiful body, a new relationship,fame, success, a 'better' job, a new car, whatever. These type of things are VERY seductive from the outside but setting our goals on such 'outer world' items at the expense of our inner world, can lead to misery rather than happiness.
I am not saying here that setting goals is bad or wrong. I am saying BE CAREFUL. Where are those things that we so desperately seem to want coming from? What's behind all of it? Maybe these are questions that we could spend our time investigating, and maybe the answers would transform the way we see our whole lives, especially the things we say we 'want'.
If you plug into the personal and professional development world, as I have done for many years, you will immediately encounter the notion that setting goals is good. Many trusted professional advisers will actually tell you that if you do not set goals you will never arrive or achieve the things you 'want' in life.
Personally I have never been a goal setter by instinct. Yes I always had things that I 'wanted' but in terms of mapping out a path for achieving them, that was something I never felt motivated to do. However, a couple of years ago I reached a point where I started to listen to the authors and top coaches who insist that setting goals is the right path to travel if we ever want to be satisfied.
So I gave it a try. I even wrote down in detail the goals that I thought I wanted to achieve and how I would achieve them. 30 day goals, 90 day goals, 6 month goals et cetera.I was determined. This time I would work towards my goals, achieve them and get the things I 'wanted'.
But an interesting thing happened. Life happened. I found that some of the ways I had set to achieve my goals did not suit me. They felt 'wrong' and were simply not very interesting for me to be involved in.I found it exhausting and stressful to even think about some of them. Life was already busy, but these goals involved taking massive added action that I had neither the energy nor enthusiasm to go through with. Furthermore, when I went back to review my goals after a few weeks, I wasn't even sure that these were the things I really wanted!
Another thing that occurred to me was this: supposing I carry out all these actions over 6 months and then whatever number of years and I DON'T reach the goals that I'm not totally sure I want anyway? I would have wasted years of time and energy doing stuff that wasn't fun or particularly creative. Or, supposing I carried out all the actions over several years and I DID reach these goals and then found that I didn't really want them after all? Or, supposing I carried out my plans and became bored with the predictability of it all, ignoring the random stuff that comes up in life so that I can focus on these goals?
Yes I understand that for some people, goal-setting does appear to work. I understand that some people swear by it and seem to use it quite effectively. But to me, it seems like a very constraining way to live.
We all have 'wants' and 'desires'. These are things we say that we want. But how often do we question WHY it is that we want these things? Where do these desires actually come from? More importantly, how do we really know that they will improve our lives and bring us satisfaction? Short answer, we don't. The world is littered with individual examples of people that achieved their goals but were far from happy or satisfied. They got the stuff that almost everyone on the planet would say that they want, but it didn't really do them any good in the long run.
More money, a beautiful body, a new relationship,fame, success, a 'better' job, a new car, whatever. These type of things are VERY seductive from the outside but setting our goals on such 'outer world' items at the expense of our inner world, can lead to misery rather than happiness.
I am not saying here that setting goals is bad or wrong. I am saying BE CAREFUL. Where are those things that we so desperately seem to want coming from? What's behind all of it? Maybe these are questions that we could spend our time investigating, and maybe the answers would transform the way we see our whole lives, especially the things we say we 'want'.
Tuesday, 6 January 2015
Disruption
A recent quote from international prosperity coach Randy Gage really caught my attention. It said something like; You are not here to fit in but to disrupt.
The process of disruption begins with a new idea or innovation. It may start at the bottom but builds momentum until whole industries are transformed. Witness how mp3 files changed the music industry, or how online travel agencies and airlines have changed how we buy air tickets and holidays. The list goes on and on.
When we think about it, the whole of evolution is based on disruption. Without it nothing would change and the world would stagnate.
Despite this, almost everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in our traditional education teaches and encourages us to fit in rather than disrupt. "Don't rock the boat". "You need to fit in." "Keep in with the right people." "Don't step out of line" because if you do there will be consequences.
This is the reality. Companies establish consequences for people that dare to step out of line and do things differently. These consequences can be acknowledged or not, hidden or revealed.
The media bombards us with messages that suggest that life is getting tougher, more competitive, less easy to deal with. Less jobs, more suffering. This has been going on as long as I can remember, whether there is an 'economic crisis' or not. Such memes compound the message that we shouldn't take risks, that we should fit in and go with the crowd. People become more scared, more cowed and more likely to conform. They may join in with deriding the ones that take risks, hoping that it will shore up their professional status, which in many cases it does, sadly.
This is a form of corruption. Very insidious and hidden but there nevertheless. Ultimately it does nobody any favours because companies need to change and develop as society naturally changes. When they don't, they tend to disappear.
The lesson rarely gets learned. The fear of being ostrasized from the group remains much more powerful for most that the motivation to go out on a limb and say what needs to be said or take a step in the dark.
But life is for living. In the end there will be little satisfaction in saying: I played it safe, kept my nose clean and didn't rock the boat. It may work in the short term but in the bigger picture it does not contribute to a fulfilling life.
We are here to disrupt, to contribute and make change, to make the world a better place. Playing safe does not do this. So the message here is: join with the disruptors. If you can't be one of them, give them your support and energy because....we are the future!
A recent quote from international prosperity coach Randy Gage really caught my attention. It said something like; You are not here to fit in but to disrupt.
The process of disruption begins with a new idea or innovation. It may start at the bottom but builds momentum until whole industries are transformed. Witness how mp3 files changed the music industry, or how online travel agencies and airlines have changed how we buy air tickets and holidays. The list goes on and on.
When we think about it, the whole of evolution is based on disruption. Without it nothing would change and the world would stagnate.
Despite this, almost everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in our traditional education teaches and encourages us to fit in rather than disrupt. "Don't rock the boat". "You need to fit in." "Keep in with the right people." "Don't step out of line" because if you do there will be consequences.
This is the reality. Companies establish consequences for people that dare to step out of line and do things differently. These consequences can be acknowledged or not, hidden or revealed.
The media bombards us with messages that suggest that life is getting tougher, more competitive, less easy to deal with. Less jobs, more suffering. This has been going on as long as I can remember, whether there is an 'economic crisis' or not. Such memes compound the message that we shouldn't take risks, that we should fit in and go with the crowd. People become more scared, more cowed and more likely to conform. They may join in with deriding the ones that take risks, hoping that it will shore up their professional status, which in many cases it does, sadly.
This is a form of corruption. Very insidious and hidden but there nevertheless. Ultimately it does nobody any favours because companies need to change and develop as society naturally changes. When they don't, they tend to disappear.
The lesson rarely gets learned. The fear of being ostrasized from the group remains much more powerful for most that the motivation to go out on a limb and say what needs to be said or take a step in the dark.
But life is for living. In the end there will be little satisfaction in saying: I played it safe, kept my nose clean and didn't rock the boat. It may work in the short term but in the bigger picture it does not contribute to a fulfilling life.
We are here to disrupt, to contribute and make change, to make the world a better place. Playing safe does not do this. So the message here is: join with the disruptors. If you can't be one of them, give them your support and energy because....we are the future!
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